mother's day

it's mother's day here in sweden. a few weeks ago, i started thinking about how hard today would be, much harder than american mother's day, which, for me, came and went on facebook, where i was showered with love and sweet messages of hope and encouragement from dear friends. 

but during these past few weeks, as i've semi-dreaded this day, i've also been thinking a lot about where i'd like to be (cuddling my little levi right now) and where i am. i've thought about church and not wanting to be there on mother's day because, as i have heard from so many women, it can be an awkward and painful place to be on mother's day--you can check out a beautifully written article on that here. and after being asked by my precious husband how i'd like to spend the day, i've thought about how i can honour levi's memory and carry on his legacy on this special and yet heartbreaking day, but all the ideas i'd read about online seemed inappropriate for me. everyone's story is different, you know.

throughout my childhood, and even today, my amazing mom has always given me a present (or three) on mother's day to thank me for being her daughter, saying that she wouldn't be a mom if it wasn't for me. and i used to think it was a bit silly, but now i totally get it. and more than any celebration of me {although i love the flowers and sweet gifts i've already received, like some printed photos of my sweet baby and my pregnancy <3}, i have wanted to do something to help other moms around the world, but i haven't known exactly what to do. i've wanted to get the focus off me because it's so much easier to be thankful, to see the blessings in our lives, and not to focus on our own burdens and heartaches, when we turn to others in need and love on them the way we want to be loved.

and then i saw a link to unicef in my facebook feed, where, among other options, you can by a "start package" for seven moms. and in case you can't read swedish, the text says: 

in many lands, it's difficult for new moms to give their children the safety and start in life they desire. with this package, you're giving seven moms a chance to give their babies a safer start to life. the package includes: 7 mosquito nets, 14 measles vaccines, 21 polio vaccines, and 14 tetanus shots.

and when i thought of all those precious women who may never get to see their babies grow up just because they can't get basic medical care that so many of us take for granted, my heart hurt, and i knew that my own sweet baby would be really happy to know that his legacy is about life, about hope, love, and second chances. it's about finding a way to give to others when you've been so generously given to yourself. that's what my little boy has taught me in his short life, and i am grateful. i want to always be a mamma who honours him and somehow points others to Jesus because i know that because of Jesus' gift of life for me, i will dance and sing and play with my baby one beautiful, eternal day in heaven. and oh how i long for it!

if you're hurting today because you've lost your little one or because your dreams haven't been fulfilled or life hasn't turned out like you thought it should or even because people, even well-meaning Christians, have caused you to experience shame because you're not a mom and don't want to be, you're not alone. ever.  none of you are. you are beautiful and loved and treasured because you are daughters (or sons!) of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, and he loves you with an everlasting love, the love of a father and a mother and so much more. there is hope, even when the sun goes down.

happy mother's day, sweet levi. i love you forever <3.