a letter to my sweet josiah

you're already so much like your big brother. in fact, i mistakenly say his name on occasion when talking to you. i'm pretty sure, though, that you don't mind and that you're honoured to be mistaken for him at times <3. 

yesterday, i showed a friend levi's picture when she asked what he looked like, and as i described his viking red hair, the spitting image of his pappa's beard, i began to wonder about you and if your hair will be the same colour. i sure hope so. 

you began with just a whisper from the Lord. "josiah." "God heals." could it be? could God send us another longed-for son? did we dare hope? did we dare trust and believe that the Lord could and would heal us? there was no other choice. we longed for healing, for hope, for you, and we still do. 

showing my friend levi's photo made me think about photos we've taken thus far of your journey. your pappa and i were so diligent about taking belly pics before levi's arrival, and we've honestly attemped to be while you're in utero, but we haven't been so good about doing so. almost everytime your pappa's asked to take a belly pic, i'm either in PJs or in need of a shower or both...and those aren't the kind of pics i've wanted to take to remember you during this time. and then suddenly, a few days and even weeks have gone by before we remember that we still haven't taken a picture...and then the timing is still bad. so here we are, smack dab in the middle of week 30, and we've taken TWO belly pics. TWO. i don't even know that we've taken so many photos out with friends other than the amazing photo shoot we had with your aunt stephanie back in september, and it breaks my heart...so much so that i cried a good while over it last night. i can't get those weeks and missed belly shots back. i don't want to be the kind of mamma who makes silly excuses like i have and ends up missing out on making beautiful memories. 

and i certainly don't ever want to miss out on making any memories with you. at the same time, i don't want to live life with regrets and what i could and should have done. your sweet pappa reminded me of that last night when we prayed over you and over these wretched thoughts and regrets that come up, i don't want to compare our lives to others'. your story, your big brother's story, they're ours and no one else's. we may have not taken as many photos thus far as we'd have liked to, but the legacy your big brother levi has left for you to follow in is a beautiful one. there aren't many babies who make it in the national Christian swedish newspaper before birth, but you did! 

and, i don't sing to you as much as i think about doing or wish i did, either, but you're killing my lung capacity, big boy! i know, though, that you know my voice and your pappa's, that you've been singing and dancing along with us in worship at church and at home, and that you will surely be gifted in music, too! oh how we can't wait to sing and dance, play instruments, and praise the Lord with you!!

...and we will before long! in just two short months, it'll be time for you to make your grand entry into the world, and we can't wait! there are so many people, so very, very many people who have prayed for your journey thus far, prayed blessings and shared prophesies of how you, our sweet child, will be a blessing to many. "God heals." yes, indeed he does. he's amazing in his grace, his plan, his work in our lives, and we are so thankful that you, little brother to precious levi, who has already stolen our hearts, are part of God's great plan.

we love you so.

your mamma & pappa