levi lives in my heart, too.

"because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you." psalm 63.3

another year has passed. another year of God's grace and goodness. "steadfast" was our family's word of the year for 2017, and it sums things up for us so very well. to be steadfast means to be firm in purpose, resolution, and faith: firmly established; unwavering. during the past year, as we have navigated life with two little ones, andreas and i have learned what it means to be steadfast to one another and to the Lord, and, with awe and gratitude, we have experienced his steadfast love toward us. it is, without a doubt, better than anything else this life has to offer.

in the wee hours of the night leading into this, levi's fourth birthday in heaven, i listened to quite a few songs from our "levi's legacy" playlist on spotify. i couldn't keep myself from weeping and falling on my face before God, who has been so incredibly good to us. of all the songs that put my heart at the feet of Jesus, three stood out to me as a the perfect summation of how the Lord has worked in our lives since we lost our precious baby boy. 

"it's not over" by israel & new breed: the Holy Spirit placed this song on my heart the second our fears were confirmed, and we listened and worshipped and claimed God's goodness in our lives when our feelings said otherwise. the words of the song hold true still. it's not over. the Lord is still working and doing things beyond our wildest expectations through levi's death and legacy, and we are so grateful.

"beauty from ashes" by steven curtis chapman: "out of these ashes, beauty will rise. we will dance among the ruins. we will see it with our own eyes...it will take our breath away to see the beauty that he's made out of these ashes." i claimed those words as we sang them at levi's memorial service, and i had no idea how incredibly true they would prove to be.

"great things (worth it all)" by elevation worship: "thank you for the wilderness where i learned to thirst for your presence. if i'd never known that place, how could i have known you are better? thank you for the lonely times, when i learned to live in the silence. as the other voices fade, i can hear you calling me, Jesus. and it's worth it all just to know you more. you've done great things. Jesus, your love never fails me. my soul will sing 'you have done great things!' thank you for the scars i bear. they declare that you are my healer. how could i have seen your strength if you'd never shown me my weakness?" yes, yes, and YES! everything we go through in this life on earth IS worth it all if we allow our circumstances to draw us to the feet of Jesus. 

thank you, sweet boy, for thrusting me into the arms of Jesus through your all-too-short life. there is no greater present you could have given your parents and the world. our present to you today (other than our traditional butterfly cupcakes that were made this year with the assistance of my

expert baker josiah gideon surell) is the "adoption" of a precious boy we don't really know yet. denis ginyambo geyjaru was born in a tiny village in tanzania on the very day you went to heaven (16 january 2014), and we are so very much looking forward to getting to know him and watching him grow and thrive!

as i was trying to explain to josiah this morning that his big brother levi lives in heaven with Jesus, he said, "Jesus lives far away." to which i replied, "well, yes, it certainly feels that way. but Jesus lives in our hearts, doesn't he?" without missing a beat, josiah replied, "levi lives in my heart, too." cue tears. tears of joy, sadness, thankfulness, and so very much amazement at the faith of children. God has indeed been good to us, and has done so very many great things! what a legacy our sweet boy has left!

here's a link to a recent interview i did with our dear friends the lorentszons at parentallegacy.com. feel free to watch and share (and have a box of tissues handy). https://youtu.be/V4bpYheXIUY 

and if you never read my last blog entry made a year ago today, it summarises my thoughts on levi's birthday even better than today's. 

may the Lord bless you richly, friends. seek him. his hope does not disappoint. "...we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." romans 5.3b-5